Here’s the thing. I live in Hawaii where the scenery is gorgeous and the weather is balmy and beautiful year round. I mean, this week half the country was freezing and I’m down here in the middle of the Pacific Ocean taking pictures like this on my iPhone:
But let me tell you, when it comes to award season and my Twitter Feed is on East Coast Time but my cable service says we are on Hawaii time (read: A FULL FIVE HOURS BEHIND THE REST OF HUMANITY) living in paradise totally blows.
For this reason, I chose to not even look at my Twitter Feed while all the Oscar red carpet excitement was happening yesterday.
Instead, I painted my nails and patiently waited for the show to start here in Hawaii. (How amazing is this Sally Hansen Patent Gloss in Moto?)
By the time the show started here in Hawaii, everyone in LA was on their third martini at the after parties so I found myself alone in the living room making judgments out loud to no one in particular. They sounded a little something like this:
- E! You’re making it very very difficult for me to love you. Ross and Kelly are your saving graces, but Ryan and Giuliana have become unbearable. Come on Ryan, if you’re going to ask a question at least let them answer.
- I can’t with Khloe Kardashian. I mean, really?
- Thank GOD for Robin Roberts.
- JLo slays, as per usual. (I’m unsure about the lip, though. Could just be my TV, but it looks lavender.)
- I’m pretty sure Patricia Arquette is drunk and the show hasn’t even started.
- I love how Nicole Kidman is back to looking like her gorgeous self. Injectables are the devil, people. THE DEVIL.
- Speaking of the devil, poor Melanie Griffith.
- Gwyneth Paltrow looks amazing. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, she is perfection.
- Ball gowns should not have pockets in them. (Ahem, Chloe Grace Moretz.)
- Call your mom.
- How long has Jared Leto looked like Jesus?
- Anna Wintour wears her sunglasses at night. Ugh.
- Holy purple smoky eye, Jennifer Hudson. Your face is giving me life right now.
- Who knew NPH looked so good in his underwear?
- Okay, Patricia Arquette isn’t drunk anymore. That speech!
- JOHN FUCKING LEGEND
- Wait, I’m confused. His name isn’t John Legend?
- Oh no, Im…. falling… asleep.
- Stay weird. Stay different. I love this.
- Julianne Moore is a goddess.
I’ll be posting my favorite looks of the night, but here is my most favorite picture of the night. I spotted these beauties on Jennifer Lopez’s Instagram: